I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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