by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
