The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
