It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
