WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
We are two peas in an std pod
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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