angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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