you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Randomize
