everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
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