operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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