you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
