So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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