Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
