Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
