my sisters under your porch take her home
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
