a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Randomize
