Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
