Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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