if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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