I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
birth control should be required to get into college
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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