Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
