I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
we're so committed to being not committed
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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