Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
