Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
