I'm laying in your front yard are you home
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
