Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
