god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Just invented taco cereal.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Randomize
