My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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