if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
