Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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