sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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