Can i not drive my cunt home
oh god the rape fog is back!
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
