So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
