I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
