He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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