I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
