dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
FUCK WHALES
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
