And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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