I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
i believe in u and ur pee
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
