I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
