I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I just found puke in my bra..
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
