he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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