So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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