dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
