At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
