I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
