omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
