I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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