She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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