great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
