I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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