Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
