if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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