I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
