mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
