So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
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