Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize