"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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