That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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