The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
