I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize