When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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