Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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