I understand why you refuse to be sober now
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
