Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Success! We fucked roommates!
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
