k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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